MBTI Part 2: Developing an Individualized Sense of Romantic Compatibility

There are plenty of articles and charts on the internet telling you who you should and shouldn’t fall in love with based on your Myers Briggs personality type. They contain lots of interesting theories, but they can also be confusing and damaging. I’ve seen couples who were a “perfect match” that did not work out at all, as well as many happy couples who are not with their supposed “perfect match.”

I’ve seen some websites which categorize compatibility in a much freer and broader way, from “most likely” to “least likely” matches. This is more helpful and less likely to lead to a confining mindset. However, I think we need to approach it in a different way:

Instead of looking at the MBTI to tell us who to date, we should be using the MBTI as a tool to help us discover what traits we want or need in a partner.

This means so many things for so many different people. As I was learning about the MBTI and learning more about myself, I found that I greatly valued similarities that allowed for deeper connection. As an INFJ, I felt that the “N” and “F” were important to share with a partner so that he could connect with me on a deeper level. Dating an NF was almost essential in my mind, simply because of the real-world implications I saw.

I developed an understanding of my needs and desires in relation to MBTI while I was single, though I didn’t see it as any kind of strict rule I had to follow. I ended up with a fellow INFJ who is able to understand me on a deep level and share in intellectual and emotional discussions. We both like to plan and prepare, so we build on each other’s strengths in this way. We’re both introverted so we tend to be in agreement of when we want to spend time with just each other and when we want to hang out with other people. Since our personality types are the same, that brings a lot of similarities, but we also have personal differences that bring strength to our relationship.

Similarities work well for us. But other people are are happily paired with the opposite personality type as their own, or some combination of shared and opposite traits. The important thing is to be able to use MBTI to understand yourself, your partner, and your needs better.

If you’re single, understanding the MBTI may affect your understanding of your own needs and as a result, who you are more likely to date. But it is important that it does not function as a wall that closes you off from potential partners who might be more compatible with you than you’d expect. As long as you are able to honestly look at where the Myers Briggs types affect your needs and where they don’t, there is no objective rule to go by in who you should be paired with.

If you’re unfamiliar with Myers Briggs and want to learn more about it, check out my previous article here.  If you are already in a relationship, look for an article coming soon about how the MBTI can improve understanding and communication with your partner!


In Christ’s Love,



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